moved here.

I'm not ready, not ready for any change.

sick, ever since thursday.

Gibberishly tired.

#118 Sighs

I'm actually doing this post with a very, very heavy heart. Reality is slowly, but surely sinking in. Sigh. Another small chapter of my life is coming to an end. I never imagined to be this close - this close to the people, this close to the children. I somehow, feel so attached to the children. Everyday I smile because its going to be a day at school but what about now?

Am i going to still carry on smiling when I enter NP? When I start my course? Or will I feel awful, cause I miss St.James and the children so much. Am i ready for this change?

Nope, all I want now is the kiddos at school and the awesome staff.
Oh man, I'm going to be missing everything so, so so much.
Could my last 15 days pass slower, please?

#113 All Smiles!

I guess it was the weekend that I was longing for. I indeed received my break, my fresh air, my voice, my energy, my rest. So yes, I've been powered up again! :) Back to another week of children, I've only have got 19 days left with them. They're so very precious to me now.

Have a great week everyone!
Missing my besties, still very much.

#116 Hope

I can't help but say, I'm really exhausted, dead tired, drained, battery flat zone. Really, thank God its Friday tomorrow. My ears feel like they need a break from the cries of children, my voice is screaming for attention. My hands are in plasters. My body is aching. I'm exhausted. Enough of chasing people out of the pool, enough of children screaming, enough of toilet trips, enough of stories, enough of food, enough of carrying children, enough of the playground, enough of the Sun.

I'm really, tired.
But my love for the children hasn't faded, and never will.

I wish I could glimpse the Council Investiture tomorrow but as my leaving approaches, my plate is a little too full with things to do. - that explains the long hours. So I guess I would have to give it a miss. Councillors, Have fun tomorrow. To those coming into the big family, its a decision you'll not regret making. To the seniors, its already your last year, leave that legacy behind! Time passed too fast, I'm no longer a councillor, my days in council have ended. So enjoy it while you still can. And to the new President who's coming up, you know I love you. :)

#115 The Reason Why

Being in a world of children daily, there's nothing much to do to keep this journal, alive, despite trying. You see because everyday is the same routine, almost same children all over again, same play activities so there's not many encounters to write about. I'll be ending in 4 weeks. -huge sigh-

Sometimes when you want time to stand still, it really doesn't but when you want it to hurry through, it feels like ages. Yes, I feel that way too. I guess I'm really a little too much in this world, 6 days a week is with children. But this makes my passion and heart grow, even greater. :)

This song always gets me through the toughest days, and I hope it will help you too.

When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along..

And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..
This I promise you..

Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all...

And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby

Just close your eyes
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you...

#114 I Promise

There are quite a lot of thoughts running through my mind now. Maybe I'll share about them another time. As for now, I'm doing fine. I really am enjoying where I'm at now and what I'm doing and the people around me and everything else. As days go by, the closer I feel to the people, children and there's nothing better I could actually ask for.

I've not been having negative thoughts and ways like back during the O's period but I can't help but say I also do miss the familiarity and homely feeling of KCP. That brings me back to the days last year and my visit on Wednesday. Maybe the familiarity comes from the people there - their friendships and the bond you feel towards them. Sonja - who I've been meeting the most often I guess. But our friendship only bloomed towards the later part of Secondary School. But when I think of KCP, it definitely reminds me of that yellow table and all the study dates we had there. Yes, Dharishini? All the long chats, study drills and everything else. I do miss that.

And the teachers? Yes! Ms Foo, Mdm Choo, Mrs Lee... they made a difference in my life in one way or another and now that I've to survive on my own, I actually realise how much more I miss them. I guess times have changed and its really time for me to put my past aside. To close this chapter of my life well - Secondary School. That I need to keep up with these friendships with YingYng, Dharishini, Hazel, JiaWei, Sonja, Rajam, Shalin... ... but at the same time be open to make new friends.

Thank you councillors for welcoming me back so openly on Wednesday! I really miss council as well. And Hazel, for being my awesome accompany partner. I guess this is what which makes life very much colourful, friends, best friends.

But now? I've really got to try,
try to make new friends outside of my comfort zone.

#112 Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

#111 Sunshine!

I'm really sorry for the lack of updates. Suddenly the computer doesn't seem as entertaining anymore, social networks have become even more boring, twitter can be accessed through one's handphone, there's no need to read blogs over and over again and even my closest circle rarely update their blogs thus I've neglected this area. Don't worry, I'm back! With a few more updates.

The O's are over (phew!), results are out - If i could say so myself I did surprisingly better than expected. Any point <15 for me makes me happy, so yes. I did better than a 15. :) I got posted into Early Childhood, (SMILES), and I'm still interning at the same kindy.

Somewhere down the line, I realised this is really something I want to do and doing this internship helped me to realise that my real calling is really, children. And teaching. I would say its really not easy. Especially in this field when days are long and tiring and yet you're not as "recognised" compared to a Primary Teacher but actually you may be doing more foundation here in a pre school, preparing the child for Primary 1. I guess both areas does have its own pros and cons.

I'm half way through my internship. I'm kinda sad at how fast time is flying and how little time I have left with the children. They're amazing. I know some drive me crazy and how I lose my voice often. But you know, every child has their "angelic" side as well. The child-like side, the innocent and lovely side. And I realised the longer I'm staying here, the more and more I get to see it. And I'm happy to see the children change - from how they were at Day 1 to now, most are better. :)
Then again, I would have to agree that, the longer I stay, the longer I realise that leaving is going to be way tougher than I thought. Even with the staff, I realise I've become closer to. Jolyn and Natasha, what would my internship be like without them? and yes, the children. My Sunshine 7 and Rainbow 7 and Starlight 3 and 7, DD 12 and the list goes on.

I really hope to make a greater difference in my last 4 weeks. Did I mention that I feel like a little celebrity? Since I've been in so many classes, the children remember me and so when they see me, they scream at the top of their voices. How cute! :D