#20 Forget

Forget about keeping up with this blog and the events that i always wanted to be able to post but never find the time to. Forget about upcoming posts from centuries ago. Forget about how i was previously. I guess I'm not the same person anymore. I feel so restricted, so caged and unable to fly. Being hurt from different angles and directions. I find it so hard to cope now. I want retreat days back, i want family trips back. I want to feel free. I want to be able to do things that i used to do. I want to frequent places i used to frequent. I want to spend time with those i used to sacrifice my days for. I want to be able to sleep at least 5 hours a day or sleep past 7am on Saturday.

I guess I've changed, I want to do so many things but i can't even find time for myself, for the necessities of my life (like sleeping and eating) and I know i'm endangering my own body and health. I feel bad, i used to spend so much time with friends last year, i used to be on the computer so often. But this year has been the total opposite. I miss the times i hang out with friends and feel care-free. I'm being victimized by the friendships, fearing that i'll lose the friends that I have (or used to have). I don't want to make the next move. That's just me, afraid of almost anything and everything. There's so many things on my mind. Everyday seems like an endless drag. I really wonder when would this stop. When would I be able to feel freedom or the sense of freedom without having to think about uncompleted work or the rising homework? When? When? When?

I need an answer. I feel so much of darkness.
I need to see light, before it might be too late.