#38 Lost.

Looking at my title, I guess questions are already popping out. Is it normal to feel this way? Lost. A sense that something's amiss. I've honestly been struggling. Struggling to keep up with the amount of work that has to be done, struggling to receive acceptance and struggling, struggling to break free from the shell that I've been hiding in for awhile. Have I sounded the red alert to the people around me? I feel like just giving everything up. Have you wondered why I've been so sticky to the people that I'm close to? To what Sunshine calls it, Separation Anxiety. Why i suddenly want to stick to the ones I miss? Why i wanted to leave the workload aside and spend a few minutes with Superwoman?

Because I feel lost. I'm struggling. Struggling very hard to find out who is the real me. Sometimes I feel like I've got split personalities because I tend to behave differently at different times of the day. I'm a bottler. I just bottle and bottle everything up and when its really full I jump onto my pillow and cry everything out. Have I strayed away from the right direction that I should be heading? Why do i feel that wherever I am at now , I'm all alone. At the end of the day, I just want God's Will for my life. I've been running around in circles, looking for answers but haven't found any. I don't want to lose the past. I don't want to let go of it. Yet i feel I've been drifting away back into the shell that I once took the courage to come out from. I wouldn't say I'm ready for the world. Face it, I'm not. I'm still having difficulty looking someone in the eye telling them how I really feel. Why? Why the emptiness? Is something missing?

I'm turning back. Back into the shell I once came out from. Was taking the step of faith to come out ever the right choice? I'd enough of this World. This cruel and heartless World. I'm going to be hiding away from this evil and wicked world. Running away from the reality I just refuse to face. All i needed was love and acceptance.
I need my Superwoman, I need my Sunshine. Face it, I just need to empty that bottle in my heart, soon.