#41 Wilderness

The feeling of giving up still lingers around me. Especially for Monday's papers. Would i let past repeat itself? Would I be able to say I did my best? Monday's not here yet, why am i worrying myself up? Its because, I don't want to do the Tamil paper. I don't want to end up crying after the paper. Why must I be the one treated differently from the rest? Why is it that everyone has been noticing my effort, except you? Why is it that you never accept me for who I am? I hate the fact that you're bias against me.

If Tamil's the problem for me then why do I love having Tamil tuition, and even have it 4 times a week, smiling and laughing my head off every lesson. Why if I see the word Tamil printed on the timetable, my heart skips beats as I enter the room. Why is it that I have to drag myself down to the first floor and sigh. Why do I have to shed tears once I reach the Tamil notice board, knowing that I've to face reality. Saying my last prayer that He'll see me through and that these 2 periods would be quick and not a spoiler. Just why! Why is there a change in my view of Tamil in school and from Tuition.

At the end of the day, I just need your encouragement. I just need to know that you see my effort, that I'll be able to make it. That I've been trying. Would that ever be possible? Would you give me a chance just for ONCE? Recently, everyone who talks about Tamil or class at school, I just breakdown. How long would I have to bottle everything up? I guess I'm just left with nothing to say. Some part of me wishes that I'll clear Tamil in June so that I'll never face him (or her) again. I need to leave secondary school, quick.

Daddy & Amma, thank you. I love you both as much too.