#36 & I'm still travelling on this road cause of You

HAPPY 85th BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST SCHOOL!

The last and best Founders' Day at Kuo Chuan. I still would believe its days like such that will make you feel proud to be a KCPian and also where you feel a great sense of belonging towards the school even though sometimes I can say so directly, "you know what, this school spells yucks." I've grown up in KCP, journeyed through Founders' Day 10 times! Time has flew past, it doesn't seem like it has been 10 years but how am i trying to kid? In other words you can say I've been a KCPian all my life and would always be one.

This years' founders' day theme is " Celebrating His Goodness, Sharing His Blessings" and to be honest, I don't think Founders Day ever meant something to me. It was just an unusual day full of speeches and a day to showcase how great the school is when sometimes I wondered how on earth can the school be THAT great.

But my impression and everything else has changed. I was having lunch with Sunshine during my free period on Wednesday, and she casually questioned me, "Are you proud to be a KCPian? Are you happy to be one?" I had a weird reaction and replied, "What do you think? How many times have i complained to you about how horrid KCPians are?, Maybe a little, that's all." It dawned on me later that many years down the road, when i tell my children where I was from, I would say i'm a 10 year KCPian, and whether at that time KCP is a great school or some gangster school or a school that no longer exists depends on us now.

During Tamil, Mr Kalai insisted that since it was Founders' Day we are to relax and not do any work and also because the next day's Labour Day. So he showed us clips after clips and the first one was on Founders' Day and about the school's achievements so far. We were the first few to watch it because it was to be shown at Mr Low's talk later. And goodness! It was fantastic! It was as if successes after successes, all the golds! & even gold with honors! God really has blessed the school so abundantly, and when i saw the video i replied Sunshine, "You know what - I'm proud to be a KCPian, really. Look at how much God has blessed our school man!" God has been good, really.

During Mr Low's talk, it was indeed wonderful. Sang and sang and sang, everyone was singing super loudly, worshiping Him especially with "Forever God is Faithful, Forever God is with us" song, I was totally :OO. Followed after was the cake cutting ceremony and the Birthday song, which totally rocked because I feel KCPians know how to rise to occasions - everyone was cheering, clapping, singing! The school song was sung, SUPER LOUDLY! Every Monday when you hear the school song you'll only hear thr choir sing but this time, we couldn't even hear the CD being played! The Benediction was great too,

You wouldn't know how great the whole event was unless you were part of it watching, but it defintely was a great and memorable one. The best in 4 years! God has been good to everyone of us! Have a blessed Founders' Day and let's pray that there would be many more to come! :)

Here's a video on Founders' Day
Thank God for the wonderful leaders, teachers, classmates, friends.
Without them, you'll be nothing.

#35 Agapeland's Typical Day

Let's do a little preview to how Sunday Class is like:

This makes me happy! :)

My Favourite Boy! :D
I'm Aaron and i love yumyum time, :))

I'm always full of expressions, but i still love food the most!

Jiejie loves to take pictures of me, so i should smile for her!

Spiderboy!
I'm Nathan the Spiderboy!
"Spiderboy's not with me because food's more important!"

He's the BigBoy now, I joined Agapeland when he was a baby, now he's 5!
I'm Ethan.

I'm the shy girl who hardly smiles,
I'm Vivienne!

The Little Monster's here!
I'm Xavier. I love Garfield. :)
I graduated from your class though.

Am i to smile?
I'm Joshua, I'm a little shy though.

Hello, It's me again.
Full of smiles!

Agapeland's always full of surprises,
Tashka has been caught by one!
She was once an Agapeland-er, a helper and now teaching herself. :)

Aunty Lily! She's Tashka's leader.
Always ready to help!
Aunty Serene's on my right. :)

Best Of Friends!
They make Agapeland happier! :))

So here you have it,
A toddlers' class at Agapeland.
Not a full class though, cannot take pictures of all 16 of them,
only the ones who are closer to me would say hello to you, :)

More photos of others, next time!

Ethan and Xavier's graduated.
Big boys now. :)
Kind of miss Ethan's presence in class though.
He always has many many questions to ask!

Aaron would always be my favourite,
the one that's very sticky to me too.
Whoopsy, Isabel's very jealous of that!

Sundays always becomes a happy day
because of these little buddles of joy!

#34 Sunshine

I can't remember much about this week. Maybe i should start writing down what happens everyday so that i would be able to keep track of them. Oh wells. I guess life's very mundane to actually have a say about it? Just work, work, more work and tests to complete. I wonder how i actually fared for biology. I really am stuck, why does the syllabus feel so complex so suddenly? Physics seems to be a better option because its linked to maths now but wait? I can't even do maths properly, would I be able to do physics? Speaking of maths, i think i owe MrsTay lots of worksheets. Oh man. :( I still can't do vectors!

Anyways, Sunshine is the bomb! :) Sunshine would always make me happy when times are Gray. The day actually started out badly. Halfway through PE i was sent over to MsAlsagoff and she made me drink water with 4 packets of sugar in it. I replied with a smile, "Ms Alsagoff if i don't faint, I'll die of diabetes. She still forced me too anyways since i insisted I wouldn't agree to going home. Sarah was laughing her head off with me with my very positive replies that i answered to MsAlsagoff. Anyways, I'm fine. I was quite actually. The lack of sleep is probably getting into me and the close to late for school and then missing breakfast and since lunch comes only at 430, don't quite have a choice? Oh wells, so I had to have the sugary stuff and then was allowed back into class. Halfway through, i guess in my fearfulness i was touching my handphone screen and to my horror, i was calling Sarah who had a colour me tone and it went on speaker! I was like super scared she'll confiscate my phone but she didn't do any of those, thankfully.

After Literature, bumped around at CCA. It was honestly a total waste of time because we've done it before. Well i guess it was more for the juniors? Can't we step down? Took out my work to do with Tiffany when i met my Sunshine. All smiles already. Tiffany held her back because of her overdue homework which meant that I could play around with her more. Sunshine helped me with my Biology homework which was due on Tuesday but i probably dragged it even longer. I could actually understand and do it! SUPER HAPPY! Sunshine rocks, super a lot. Biology was finally done. I was so happy that i restricted her from leaving. Tiffany was super shocked that I actually held on to her hands preventing her from going until she said that we'll have dinner at J8 then we'll go our own ways, double happiness! I wasn't quite hungry though. But i realised... I've not eaten anything other than the sugray stuff i was forced to drink. Headed to longjohn's. Sunshinnnne! Played crazily. I still didn't want to go separate ways so we went around Junction8. Awesome day indeed. Left for church after. But it was really nice time. From the school time to being her 'bodyguard' to running all around.

It just spells memories altogether. <3 style="font-style: italic;">You are my sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are gray .
<3

#33 Best's Never Good Enough

I'm super annoyed. Seriously. I guess I already have this "Danger, Please Avoid" sign printed on my face. I was just so close to arguing back but instead I just walked straight out of the class. I'm during to be the bridge. The one that HAS CHOSEN to remain neutral. I don't like having this love-hate relationship with every other human being. I've chosen to give the respect that's due to the authorities, even though sometimes I feel they don't deserve it at all.

Its the first period of the day and it was so ruined. Firstly it was Oral. I'm left with just one question. Why is it out of the 9 of us, 8 of them was on Festivals and mine was conversation topic was, "Why do you think you must have a good appearance?" I stammered so it was similar, "Why do you want to always look beautiful?" What on earth was I to answer? I was like totally clueless. I'm sure i would not say, I want to look beautiful to attract the opposite sex. That's the most stupidest and untrue answer. But honestly, What was I to say? I only mentioned to give a first good impression. I still would say having the festivals topic would be easier especially for someone like me - who knows more than 1 festival - It was plain bias but I didn't say anything. I didn't want to argue.

Then came letter writing. We had 30 minutes to complete it. Firstly it was supposed to be a graded assignment. Secondly if it was a national exam it would be 2hours for Paper 1. I wrote all my points above the grid paper in English. Translated it into Tamil and picked out good phrases to use. That itself took 20minutes. But i didn't want to give up. I just wanted to prove everyone of THEM wrong. But before the bell could even ring, my paper was taken away, nothing being written on it. Was I to be happy about it? No, not at all. Every time I want to try and give it my best shot, I'm never able to because something like this would obstruct the way. Oh wells.

Not only that, I was even accused wrongly when i hesitated and tried asking for a little more time. I was supposedly 'using my cellphone' when it was actually my precious notebook that converts good Tamil phrases into English and English words into Tamil. And, because I was doing so, in his anger he just snatched the paper away.

Then my question at the bottom would remain,
how bad can a day get?

#32 Our Song

Long time since I've seen your smile,
But when I close my eyes,
I remember
You were no more than a child,
But then so was I,
Young and tender.

Time carries on;
I guess it always will,
But deep inside my heart
Time stands still.

Stay for awhile.
Well, it's good to see your smile,
And I love your company.
Stay for awhile.
And remember the days gone by;
For a moment it can seem
Just the way it used to be.

Snowfalls, phone calls, broken hearts,
Clear summer days,
Warm and lazy;
Long walks, long talks, after dark;
We vowed we'd never forget.
Now it's hazy.

Time takes its toll,
And time alters our view.
It would be nice to
Spend some time with you.

Oh, stay for awhile.
Well, it's good to see your smile,
And I love your company.
(Oohhh) Stay for awhile.
And remember the days gone by;
For a moment it can seem
Just the way it used to be.

Stay....

(Please stay.)

Stay, stay, stay....

One, two, one, two.

Stay for awhile.
Well, it's good to see your smile,
And I love your company.
(Oohhh) Stay for awhile.
And remember the days gone by;
Just the way it used to be.

Stay for awhile.
Oh, it's good to see your smile,
And I love your company.
Won't you stay with me for awhile,
And remember the days gone by;
For a moment it can seem
Just the way it used to be.

(The way it used to be. Be.......
The way it used to be, ooohhhh, aaaahhhhhh. Ooooooooooooooh.
Now, now, now, now.... Hoohhhhhh....)

Everytime i listen to this song it reminds me of Ms.Sunshine, :) The one that makes me smile every morning and evening. Life's going to be so different in 5 weeks. Oh wells. Cherish the remaining time left, right? Our Song, Stay For Awhile shall be a very special song to me. In 5 weeks, I've to bid farewell to 2, It seems like as time passes its going to get even more difficult because the closer we get, the harder it is to say goodbye.

Its time for me to catch some sleep, Goodnight!

The countdown shall begin,
20 days to CTs,
43 days to farewell,
44 days to Os

#32 Hurt

Here's a question for you to think about. Did you use your mouth and words to heal or to break? I don't usually do these kind of postings like my usual reflections but I'm feeling hurt. I'm sorry if this post might be a little harsh, but i really want to pen down my thoughts. I always had an impression that friends would "pick you up when you fall" or be there for you when you need them. On Tuesday i did one of facebook's quiz, "What do your friends think about you?" and the results that came out of the survey was "The Under-Appreciated Bestfriend" Sometimes I feel this is so so true. I honestly can't say where I stand in many friendships. I often wonder, is this someone who loves and accepts me for me or just using me to get to somewhere. To simply take advantage of me. I've come a long way in different friendships, I can tell that for myself. From friendships where i thought we're 'un-seperatable' to friendships that I wonder where would we land up.

Maybe its just me being over sensitive and everything else. Maybe its just me feeling too moody and in pain to realise how people can actually take advantage. When i say, people, i don't mean strangers, i mean FRIENDS. BEST ones. I've missed school on Tuesday. I've been in pain for ages. I've not been able to walk up/down stairs fast, I've not been able to sit and stand up. I've been falling down, time and time again. I myself get very frustrated with myself when I can't stand/walk/sit and do everything else that I used to do, fast enough. I feel restricted. I've got to get help from everything and everyone. Sometimes I wonder why I always overwork myself. Why I want to do better than what my body can do, WHY? That always seem to be the root of all problems.

I was back in school on Wednesday and honestly it was such a struggle. Being late for class, hopping one floor to another, causing the people to slow down because of me, falling down, getting help up again, getting my things carried around by others, having difficulty standing up, having difficulty sitting down. School was such a struggle. I felt like going home time and time again. But i just didn't one to give up halfway. I made a decision to come, I stick to it. Being at home isn't a joy either because I get worried about the workload I'll have when i get back. So i don't have quite a choice.

Every day i spend X hours after curriculum hours to complete overdue homework and to also study. It is usual to find me with a friend and also a classmate. I always wait for her no matter how long she takes sometime to the extent of wasting my time there or my parents worry that I'm still not home for dinner. I get frustrated sometimes too. Because this friend, let's call her Friend A. She thinks that it is my duty to wait for her and to be with her and to go home with her too which might not always be the case. I'm there to do my work and well help her when she needs me. But it has become such a 'routine' that I feel I'm being taken advantage of. My kindness, my everything.

I want to accompany you home, but you always leave me out because you're sure you have a better friend walking you home. If they can't make it then i'll be the next one. Is it fair? Then i might as well do my work and leave school, right? Why should I spend my time waiting for you? Why! I honestly feel hurt because you seem to think it is a routine for me that it has becoming NOTHING, but to me, its such a SOMETHING because i feel unappreciated.

So you're probably asking, so what? Only because of that you say you're being unappreciated, lame. NO. That's not all. I was trying to get up at 7.15pm to get ready to go home, pack up, throw litter, everything else. After trying umpteen of times i fell back. Back not on the chair but on the floor. THE CEMENT FLOOR.

No, you didn't choose to pick me up when I fell, when friends were supposed to, "pick you up when you fall", instead it had to be Daniel to give me his hand for me to get up. Hey, i remember this day as if it happened yesterday. I was so hurt. I had to get up myself, by pulling myself up from the lockers because you realised that if I go get up with your help, I'll be able to go home.

You know what? I can't believe you treated me like this. I'll never. You left me on the floor so that you can finish your work and that I'll be able to wait for you and walk you home. YOU did it. You just wanted to finish your work, but in the end did you? Did you! NO! When it was 8pm, you decided it was time.

So tell me, do you value me or not?

#31 Happy Easter!

Here's wishing everyone a Blessed Easter! Today marked a change in my life, again. I came to realise half way through the service that, in p4 which is in 2003 if i counted properly, I accepted Lord Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior into my life. And today marks the 6 years of relationship that I have with my God.

I personally feel that I've grown a lot through my walk with Him. In the beginning years, i still was the same person. Walking in and out of the church doors, making no progress. No devotional life either. It was just, "Oh i love God", "Goodbye for now, see you next Sunday." God was seen as the, Sunday Church I/C to me. In other words, life felt so meaningless. Maybe just before PSLE I started to believe that I have a faithful God but I hardly even notice Him in action. I didn't even bother to, i guess.

In 2007, I took the biggest step of Faith and decided to commit my life back to Him. I wanted a change, desperately. I felt so empty but holding such a pretense in front of everyone else. Serving in Agapeland became an endless chore. I enjoyed children but they didn't know me, i didn't know them. I didn't know how to handle them. But i I only enjoyed to see the smiles on their faces. But everything changed after the 1/1/2007, where I got baptized. I decided to change for the better. To feel re energized and to also start a proper devotional life. To always place Him #1 in my life. It was only from 2007 where i began to see change.

Change. In the way i behave and think. Oh wells, you might say that allows people to take advantage of me. I agree. But nothing seems better but to have a really strong relationship with Him. I just go, "Jesus, HELP!" Other times I'll turn to someone and say, Can I have a hug? Its through the years that I feel He's ever so present. That I'll be nothing without Him. Thus, I thank God for every Good Friday and Easter. It is also at Easter where I can say I've served Him for 6 years today. Started off as a projectionist then to a K1 helper then to the toddlers group. Observed the way they handled things and before I knew it, I'm there today not helping all the time but teaching and preparing lessons for God's little ones. I guess Agapeland has molded me quite a fair bit. I looked at things from a different perspective and started becoming positive. It is also Agapeland that strengthened my Walk With God. When the week's been so lop sided and you've got to spend your Satuday/Friday preparing for the lesson and Sunday being spent at church and having less time for everything else. I know at the end of the day that..

He's the one who would strengthen me and help me make the lesson a more enjoyable one for the children and for myself. Sometimes especially with the younger group its so hard to get the message to them because they might not understand what you say but just the I Love You makes the world of difference.

Easter was different today. I would put aside Agapeland Party, but the service itself meant a lot to me, rather the worship. I focus all on Him and I was brought to tears when i realised how much He actually loves me and died on the cross for ME even though he didn't have to. WHO AM I? Another difference today was that I realised how much people love me and the extent they would go to, just for me. Aunty Jessica, someone i wasn't quite close to until recently at Facebook. She heard and saw my struggles that I hardly would share with anyone. I went up to the Agapeland's pantry to leave the cupcakes there and she came to find me just to give me a hug and say, "i love you, thank you for responding." As i hugged her, i guess everyone thought there was something that was wrong with me and i was struggling with to cope. But i remember sharing with her its nothing about the workload, or the sleepless nights but its about the CLASS. Just as i mentioned that i guess i was in tears again. But, God always comes to the rescue, with comfort and added strength. He always surrounds me with people that love me.

Here's wishing you a blessed Easter. Remember how Great Our God is!

Here's an old Agapeland song!

Celebrate Jesus celebrate
Celebrate Jesus celebrate
Celebrate Jesus celebrate
Celebrate Jesus celebrate

He is risen He is risen
And He lives forevermore
He is risen He is risen
Come on and celebrate
The resurrection of our Lord

He is risen He is risen
And He lives forevermore
He is risen He is risen
Come on and celebrate
Come on and celebrate
Come on and celebrate
The resurrection of the Lord

Here's wishing everyone a Blessed Easter! Today marked a change in my life, again. I came to realise half way through the service that, in p4 which is in 2003 if i counted properly, I accepted Lord Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior into my life. And today marks the 6 years of relationship that I have with my God.

I personally feel that I've grown a lot through my walk with Him.

Lyrics:
Celebrate Jesus celebrate
Celebrate Jesus celebrate
Celebrate Jesus celebrate
Celebrate Jesus celebrate

He is risen He is risen
And He lives forevermore
He is risen He is risen
Come on and celebrate
The resurrection of our Lord

He is risen He is risen
And He lives forevermore
He is risen He is risen
Come on and celebrate
Come on and celebrate
Come on and celebrate
The resurrection of the Lord

#30 Good Friday & Easter

Many a times especially in these years, people have forgotten the real meaning of Good Friday, the real meaning behind Easter. It's just the, "I want Easter Bunnies!" kind of conversations that you would have with one another. But have you realised the reality of things? If Good Friday had never taken place, we wouldn't be standing on Earth today, forgiven and free. It is by His blood that we have been cleansed from our Sins and we know we have something to look forward to after we leave our Earthly Land.

Personally Good Friday has a special meaning to me, other than all the stories we here about how amazing Jesus can die on the cross and resurrection on the cross. Since a young age, my parents would always remind me that it's not about the chocolate Easter eggs or the public holiday but it's about Jesus, Our God. Thus even till today, when its Good Friday, I still take time reflecting about what Good Friday and Easter means to me, and that's what I'm going to share. Why don't we try placing ourselves in Jesus' shoes, how would you feel if you knew that your closest loved ones are going to betray and deny you, not once but thrice? How would you feel if you knew what is going to happen to you tomorrow – that you are going to be crucified on the cross, not for yourself but for others?

If I'm in His shoes I would have many, many questions that I would want an answer. Why would I have to be the one that would have to die, if I'm totally innocent and pure? Why would I have to be grouped with a group of sinners when I'm flawless? Why is it me that is suffering and being mocked at when the people mocking me should be the one at my place? Why. Why. Why. Why. Why!

But through it all, I always thank God for saving me, for paying for my sins and for giving me an eternal life. Where would I be today if not for Him? Would I be standing testifying his goodness in my life? I was born into a Christian house, but many loved ones aren't Christians, would I be able to share the goodness of God to them? There is many times where I've seen God's hand in my life. He has brought me through man, both easy and tough circumstances. He has been my shelter, my best friend, the person I would run to SO often. Even times when I stray away, i would suddenly feel a sense of guilt for neglecting my devotionals and come back. I guess my life has changed for the better because of Him in me.

His faithfulness is so real to me. Every time when I feel down and 'out', He never fails to be there for me and I always am able to hang on to His Word and speak it into my life. When I'm feeling so afraid and upset there's always a someone that would be there helping me through. Other than my close circle, not many know that I actually pray before entering every class/break. Especially if I'm lagging behind or the work is not done or I just feel so drained and energy less to carry on, He always comforts and strengthens me. When just a centimeter to the door I say, "Jesus, help! I need to make it through, alive and well.' There are so many times – be it in school, home or at church, I see his faithfulness. I've learnt to have Faith in Him and lean on him completely for the strength to carry on.

It is because of Him, I have the chance to live today. It is because of Him that I'm forgiven and free. He's so special to me, someone that would never leave nor forsake me, even if the world turns away from me, I know He would be with me and carry me through, just like what He has been doing in my life. When I only see darkness, He brings the light. Sometimes I wonder, what's the future going to be like? Has Gods' Will been revealed yet in my life? But at the end of the day I know that my job now as a student is to work hard and bring Him all the glory that my life would become a testimony for Him. This Good Friday and Easter, take time to reflect on Gods' goodness in your life. We might be too busy with our daily busy schedules to even realise that He is the one who gives you the strength and courage to move on. He's the one who gives you a new day to begin with. He's the One that surrounds you with people that love you. He didn't have to pay the price for us; it is us that should be on the cross. But He has paid the price for us all. Why don't you take time to thank Him for sacrificing Himself and for being so faithful to us?

Jesus, even as I've taken time to reflect on Your goodness in my life, I want to thank You for being ever so present through everything I do. For dying on the cross for me, for forgiving me time and time again even if I stray away, You still welcome me back home. Thank You for blessing me abundantly with loving parents and family, friends and people around me. Daddy God, there is so many things that I can thank You for but even as its Good Friday, Thank you for showing me how much You love and care for me, that my life would never be the same again because You live in me. My Daddy God is just an amazing One!

Before I end off this post I would like to share two songs lyrics that are really very meaningful during this season:

It Wasn't Easy:

Don't think for a moment
I never felt the pain
You can't imagine
The hurt and the shame
They put the nails through my hands
Pierced my side, please understand
It wasn't easy, but it was worth it



It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy
It wasn't easy but it was worth it
It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy
It wasn't easy but it was worth it


I didn't have to do it
But I did it anyway
'cause I really love you
So much I took your place
I died for your sins
Yes I'm the one
Don't take it lightly
What I've done
It wasn't easy, but it was worth it


I left my throne
My purpose was the cross
Shed innocent blood
I paid all cost

So You Would Come

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

#29 It Wasn't Easy

I'll leave this post, for everyone to hear this song. :)

#28 Its Week 3!

Time's flying, that's all i can say! Its making me too speechless. First it was just the end of the march holidays, and now, hello, week3! Goodness, 4 more weeks to the mid years and I want to do well yet every time i want to do work, i feel so tired to even start.

Well, Week 2 was rather unstable. Lets post it another time, too tired to continue. See what i mean? :/


How would i survive another week at school?

Die.

Edit -close to a week later.

School just explains tiredness. In week3, lessons were fine. Other than a few hiccups here and there. The main thing that happened this week was, burning my han through the fire at the chemistry lab. Being sent to MsAlsagoff after SS and then the next thing? My hand was wrapped up all in a white bandage, what an experience!

Lit -
Tuesday We we went through the homework of the essays we had done the previous lesson. And continued on with the book. We're reaching the end. :/ I don't want happy literature lessons to end, it'll be saddening. Oh wells. :((
Friday was the last part of the book and the play on screen.
I guess i couldn't hold the tears that i had been trying to hold back for some time. But i guess that made me feel better.

There's the highlight of week 3 then! :)