It was interesting. I had to pass something to Serene so I HAD to make my way up to Agapeland. I was pretty, "oh man." I began thinking.. What would my reaction be like when I see them? Do they still remember me, would they bother to say hi?" Thoughts as such. I wasn't looking forward to visiting them, I was assuming the worst.
BUT.
When I went in, I was greeted at the door my Aaron! He kept silent for awhile, so I just ignored him and went on doing my task - passing the book to Serene. Guess what! He came running, hugging my legs! I was shocked. I bent down looked him in the eye and said, "Hello Aaron!" He stared at me, came closer and said his million dollar statement, "Hello, Jiejie Tashka." It wasn't just a hello, it was with my name. and next thing he ran into my arms. Before I knew it, the 2 other boys came jumping on my back! Nathan was so silent when i said, "Has Nathan been a good boy?" And after a minute Luke said, "We miss you, Jiejie Tashka."
It was really nice, every single one of them remembered me and came to say hi and hugged me, :) Aaron didn't allow me to leave though. But i guess I escaped, telling him I'll play with little dinosaur on Friday okay?
Agapeland. Oh Agapeland. Despite missing it, they simply made my day.
Before I start with the rambling, I placed my achieves back. After all, blogging as become a place for me to pen down my thoughts all over again, and look back at the memories once in a while. I'm happy with this blog, I get to pen down my thoughts but not many would realise how i feel. I feel more protected here, I feel that I can express myself better here, I can be the real Tashka. All my drafts have been posted, thus the number scheme is all wrong. This is the 43rd post, but my number might not follow it because I had about 12 drafts written, just was a bit cautious about posting it, but I've released all of it now. So many posts that I might seem new in my achieves!
Secondly, Common Tests are over! It had been the most eventful CTs I'd say - it really tore me out, many times. It was really scary because I didn't find myself trying to move on but really stuck and just helpless, thus resulting in the sudden out pour of tears time and time again. I'm really sorry if I have been really temperamental and feeling mountain-ly to valleys to moodless to tears and the cycle reverses and repeats over and over again. I'm really sorry. I'm glad its over. Glad to say, I've moved on. Thanks to everyone for always helping me and also praying along with me and helping me to trust Him and allow Him to take care of the rest. Everyone - Sunshine, Dharishini, Mdm Choo, Mrs Lim, Sarah, Alex, Valerie, Sonja, Daniel, KeHui, Clarissa. I remember every hug and work spoken to me. And prayers too. It was a difficult time especially after English and the rest like how i couldn't bring myself to go and do the Biology paper. It was a tough time.
But everything changed, when I heard this from the ones that love me the most. And I always remember this because they were the ones that dried my tears with the hug and encouragements.
Let's do a little preview to how Sunday Class is like:
This makes me happy! :)
I'm always full of expressions, but i still love food the most!
Best Of Friends!
I can't remember much about this week. Maybe i should start writing down what happens everyday so that i would be able to keep track of them. Oh wells. I guess life's very mundane to actually have a say about it? Just work, work, more work and tests to complete. I wonder how i actually fared for biology. I really am stuck, why does the syllabus feel so complex so suddenly? Physics seems to be a better option because its linked to maths now but wait? I can't even do maths properly, would I be able to do physics? Speaking of maths, i think i owe MrsTay lots of worksheets. Oh man. :( I still can't do vectors!
Anyways, Sunshine is the bomb! :) Sunshine would always make me happy when times are Gray. The day actually started out badly. Halfway through PE i was sent over to MsAlsagoff and she made me drink water with 4 packets of sugar in it. I replied with a smile, "Ms Alsagoff if i don't faint, I'll die of diabetes. She still forced me too anyways since i insisted I wouldn't agree to going home. Sarah was laughing her head off with me with my very positive replies that i answered to MsAlsagoff. Anyways, I'm fine. I was quite actually. The lack of sleep is probably getting into me and the close to late for school and then missing breakfast and since lunch comes only at 430, don't quite have a choice? Oh wells, so I had to have the sugary stuff and then was allowed back into class. Halfway through, i guess in my fearfulness i was touching my handphone screen and to my horror, i was calling Sarah who had a colour me tone and it went on speaker! I was like super scared she'll confiscate my phone but she didn't do any of those, thankfully.
After Literature, bumped around at CCA. It was honestly a total waste of time because we've done it before. Well i guess it was more for the juniors? Can't we step down? Took out my work to do with Tiffany when i met my Sunshine. All smiles already. Tiffany held her back because of her overdue homework which meant that I could play around with her more. Sunshine helped me with my Biology homework which was due on Tuesday but i probably dragged it even longer. I could actually understand and do it! SUPER HAPPY! Sunshine rocks, super a lot. Biology was finally done. I was so happy that i restricted her from leaving. Tiffany was super shocked that I actually held on to her hands preventing her from going until she said that we'll have dinner at J8 then we'll go our own ways, double happiness! I wasn't quite hungry though. But i realised... I've not eaten anything other than the sugray stuff i was forced to drink. Headed to longjohn's. Sunshinnnne! Played crazily. I still didn't want to go separate ways so we went around Junction8. Awesome day indeed. Left for church after. But it was really nice time. From the school time to being her 'bodyguard' to running all around.
It just spells memories altogether. <3 style="font-style: italic;">You are my sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are gray .
<3
Many a times especially in these years, people have forgotten the real meaning of Good Friday, the real meaning behind Easter. It's just the, "I want Easter Bunnies!" kind of conversations that you would have with one another. But have you realised the reality of things? If Good Friday had never taken place, we wouldn't be standing on Earth today, forgiven and free. It is by His blood that we have been cleansed from our Sins and we know we have something to look forward to after we leave our Earthly Land.
Personally Good Friday has a special meaning to me, other than all the stories we here about how amazing Jesus can die on the cross and resurrection on the cross. Since a young age, my parents would always remind me that it's not about the chocolate Easter eggs or the public holiday but it's about Jesus, Our God. Thus even till today, when its Good Friday, I still take time reflecting about what Good Friday and Easter means to me, and that's what I'm going to share. Why don't we try placing ourselves in Jesus' shoes, how would you feel if you knew that your closest loved ones are going to betray and deny you, not once but thrice? How would you feel if you knew what is going to happen to you tomorrow – that you are going to be crucified on the cross, not for yourself but for others?
If I'm in His shoes I would have many, many questions that I would want an answer. Why would I have to be the one that would have to die, if I'm totally innocent and pure? Why would I have to be grouped with a group of sinners when I'm flawless? Why is it me that is suffering and being mocked at when the people mocking me should be the one at my place? Why. Why. Why. Why. Why!
But through it all, I always thank God for saving me, for paying for my sins and for giving me an eternal life. Where would I be today if not for Him? Would I be standing testifying his goodness in my life? I was born into a Christian house, but many loved ones aren't Christians, would I be able to share the goodness of God to them? There is many times where I've seen God's hand in my life. He has brought me through man, both easy and tough circumstances. He has been my shelter, my best friend, the person I would run to SO often. Even times when I stray away, i would suddenly feel a sense of guilt for neglecting my devotionals and come back. I guess my life has changed for the better because of Him in me.
His faithfulness is so real to me. Every time when I feel down and 'out', He never fails to be there for me and I always am able to hang on to His Word and speak it into my life. When I'm feeling so afraid and upset there's always a someone that would be there helping me through. Other than my close circle, not many know that I actually pray before entering every class/break. Especially if I'm lagging behind or the work is not done or I just feel so drained and energy less to carry on, He always comforts and strengthens me. When just a centimeter to the door I say, "Jesus, help! I need to make it through, alive and well.' There are so many times – be it in school, home or at church, I see his faithfulness. I've learnt to have Faith in Him and lean on him completely for the strength to carry on.
It is because of Him, I have the chance to live today. It is because of Him that I'm forgiven and free. He's so special to me, someone that would never leave nor forsake me, even if the world turns away from me, I know He would be with me and carry me through, just like what He has been doing in my life. When I only see darkness, He brings the light. Sometimes I wonder, what's the future going to be like? Has Gods' Will been revealed yet in my life? But at the end of the day I know that my job now as a student is to work hard and bring Him all the glory that my life would become a testimony for Him. This Good Friday and Easter, take time to reflect on Gods' goodness in your life. We might be too busy with our daily busy schedules to even realise that He is the one who gives you the strength and courage to move on. He's the one who gives you a new day to begin with. He's the One that surrounds you with people that love you. He didn't have to pay the price for us; it is us that should be on the cross. But He has paid the price for us all. Why don't you take time to thank Him for sacrificing Himself and for being so faithful to us?
Jesus, even as I've taken time to reflect on Your goodness in my life, I want to thank You for being ever so present through everything I do. For dying on the cross for me, for forgiving me time and time again even if I stray away, You still welcome me back home. Thank You for blessing me abundantly with loving parents and family, friends and people around me. Daddy God, there is so many things that I can thank You for but even as its Good Friday, Thank you for showing me how much You love and care for me, that my life would never be the same again because You live in me. My Daddy God is just an amazing One!
Before I end off this post I would like to share two songs lyrics that are really very meaningful during this season:
It Wasn't Easy:
Don't think for a moment
I never felt the pain
You can't imagine
The hurt and the shame
They put the nails through my hands
Pierced my side, please understand
It wasn't easy, but it was worth it
It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy
It wasn't easy but it was worth it
It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy
It wasn't easy but it was worth it
I didn't have to do it
But I did it anyway
'cause I really love you
So much I took your place
I died for your sins
Yes I'm the one
Don't take it lightly
What I've done
It wasn't easy, but it was worth it
I left my throne
My purpose was the cross
Shed innocent blood
I paid all cost
So You Would Come
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come
Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come
In the beginning, many knew that I didn't quite enjoy Literature. In my lower secondary days, I even misplaced the "Singapore Short stories" just days before the exam and didn't even bother getting a new one. In Secondary 2, well that's how i started to change my perspective of Literature. But when it came to exams, I didn't know how to answer questions and felt that it was so difficult to score in Literature compared to other subjects like D&T or History. When it came to 2009 and when we started "Off Centre" my whole world probably knew i disliked the book totally. The way it was written, with the weird and awful Singapore slag, the awful language and the 'uncalled' for vulgarities. I didn't like it. And at that point, the book didn't make any sense to me. It had 5 scenes but not all of them were related to the previous scene. It was just something totally new. I felt a little out of place in class because this isn't my 'usual' class.
This week, everything has changed. From lessons to the book to Literature - everything. I had 3 lessons this week, which made learning easier because i didn't forget the lessons as quickly as I would usually do. (Whoopsy, i know this is a bad habit and I've got to do something about it!) But it is also through this week's lessons where i understood the whole idea of Literature. It is not a 'read & analyse properly and then write the longest essay' but it Literature is actually helping you to be a better person, to be different from the crowd, to make a difference in someone's life.
Off Centre is a play on how mad people have been discriminated in the society just because they are not like us, the 'centre' people. And because of that, they are treated differently from how we are being treated by our fellow humans. They are being taken advantage of, and not even given a chance to prove themselves that they can be able to fit into the society or at least try to fit in. We don't even give them a chance in our society. We expect them to be no one successful, we find it strange if we see them in top schools or universities because we feel that they don't deserve a place in our world. We just out cast them and leave them by the corner thinking hopefully they'll fan for themselves. THAT SOMEONE ELSE would do the duty of taking care of them, it just CANNOT be us. Why? Because we'll lose our 'face' to others if we chose to help them.
What happens if their parents feel the same way too? What happens if the people who they think loves them has the same idea about them too? On Friday, I stayed on to watch the full play, I wanted to know what the ending would be like, even though I've read the book thrice, the screened play was full of emotions and feelings. As the show ended, it made me feel a little upset with the way we are as humans, if we put ourselves in their shoes would we like it to feel discriminated by the rest of the crowd because we're mad? Would we like it to just sit at home all day till your last breath because you can do nothing? Because no one accepts you? No one wants to give you a chance in the society because you might not prosper their business?
Have you ever felt that maybe these people just needs a hug or assurance that everything's going to be fine? They are humans after all and I myself need that to survive almost everyday. Have you ever thought that these people just needs your support to take their best foot forward into the society? That they need someone like YOU to help them, to love them, to accept them? I'm not saying that we should all pity them and go around hugging every mad person tomorrow, but we shouldn't behave like how we are behaving today. If we create jobs for them, we take advantage of them. We make them feel fearful of the society. We just don't want to have any relation with them. We are fearful that they might harm us, because they are not like normal humans. So we simply look down on them.
If you realised, I'm using the word, "we" instead of "they" because to some extent, i too am guilty of this. I have fallen short in some areas and i hope by sharing my experience in leading a better life would not only encourage you to lead a better one but also spread the word to love everyone, just like how Jesus loves us despite our sins and failures.
One of Agapeland's song might ring a bell to many, "If you're black or if you're white, God loves you, If you're tall or if you're short or lean, God loves you, He loves you when you're happy, He loves you when you're sad. He loves you when you're good or when you're very bad. No matter what you look like, no matter what you do, God loves you."
It doesn't say, You the normal person. No. Not at all. If Jesus can love everyone of us, then why is it so difficult for us to love someone who isn't classified as normal in our eyes? Well to me, I always discriminated them and didn't one to have anything to do with them because i was fearful. Fearful of them. Thoughts like, " I want to be with people who are normal, who behave normally...", "What happens if i go and say hi and suddenly she takes out a knife from her bag?", "What would my friends think if they see me hanging around with someone who's mad?", "What happens if i get their "disease" and turn mad too?" The last can go on & on. I was just too fearful. It felt strange, weird, to go befriend them. Some don't speak well, super loudly and might not be able to understand what you are saying, so i decided then. To just give up the whole idea of mixing around with mad people.
Such thoughts were not right at all, I know i was just giving excuses to cover up the fact that i just didn't want to have anything to do with them. After Literature on Friday, i realised how mean i've been by just simply discriminating them when they are trying their best to be 'normal' but can't control themselves. I decided to change. On Friday night, i had a long bus journey home which set me thinking on how i could be a blessing to others, to give them support, to know that there would be people like me in the society how care and love them even though sometimes i don't know how to do so.There's this girl who lives a floor above me, she just moved in recently. And she was the first that came to my mind. I remember our first 'meeting' she was staring at me blankly and analysing me from head to toe. (It was at 6.30 in the morning when i was on my way to school)I felt scared. Other than Kashken & I and Her (Sarah), there wasn't anyone else. My parents were waiting for us in the car. Kashken was showing the "can we quickly get out before she does something funny" face. And I didn't make her feel any comfortable either because i too showed the same expression.
Two days later, this time Mom & I met her in the lift. We have 24 floors to get down together. I was holding on to my water bottle, the Pink'S' bottle, when she saw it, she took off her bag from her shoulders opened her bag to find for her own water bottle which somehow happened to be the same. She found something common between me and herself. She began to smile. She no longer spent the minutes in the lift analysing me from head to toe, but started telling me her name, Sarah. So i too started to cool down and said, 'Hello Sarah, I'm Tashka. Yes, we have the same waterbottle, i think you should keep it now, we're at the first story already.' She smiled and waved goodbye as we parted at the lift landing. Honestly, that made my day. Just the smile she showed me which was full of acceptance made me realise how easily she has found a connection with me and how different she has become compared to the time i first saw her when she stared at me blankly.
This morning, i saw her again. Surprisingly, she was the first to say hello. I replied saying hello, Sarah. A minute later she started looking for my water bottle which she had found a connection with. I quickly told her that oh that water bottle broke during my maths class thus I'd to get a new water bottle. And this is it. She still remembered me and asked me about school and how my school was compared to her's. After the conversation and parting i realised so much more.
Since i already felt that i want to befriend the friendless (someone like her), I started to think about how her life would be like when she goes out to the world. And i somehow didn't understand why humans like us just discriminate them just like that. She reminds me so much of the character, "Saloma" in "Off Centre" because i'm certain she would be bullied, taken advantage of and not given a chance in the society. And that is what hurts me the most as i think about it. She is a nice girl, but hardly anyone would accept her.
It is us, the current generation that can change the lives of these people. We can slowly but surely make a difference in their lives like how this girl has made a difference to mine. We can chose to treat people like them with love and acceptance. We can change our minds, as young as we are so that we can slowly accept them back into our society and give them a chance to be treated like how a normal human would be treated. Let's learn to accept and love everyone despite our differences. Don't discriminate anyone because we all deserve chances. Whether we're normal or not, we are all still considered Humans.
In Rappers Against Racism, "I want to know what love is", it is a song on Racism but in other words you can look at the songs as about discrimination. Listen to the lyrics and question yourself, What is love? What is love about?
I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me (oh, show me yeah!)
I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me,
Why?
Could you tell me what love is?
Uh, could you tell me what love is?
Why?
Could you tell me what love is?
What about life and the prayin´
We people gotta stop all the hate and the shame that we´re bringin´
We´re all the same, we all feel pain
some uf us don´t even know what we remain
This is the life, the life that we´re livin´
With a little respect, we should all be givin´
So here comes the question, no rics or doubt:
Can you tell me what love is and what it´s about?
A leader is some one who has the ability to inspire others to achieve tasks and goals that they might not other wise be capable of reaching.
Leadership is great men and women with certain preferred traits influencing followers to do what the leaders wish in order to achieve group/organizational goals that reflect excellence defined as some kind of higher level effectiveness.
Wednesday marked my last year, as a councillor. In a way or two, it also marks the end of my council journey. I guess after everything, council still has become a part of me. My council life was never a bed of roses, i remember times where i would get so fed up about council and have no drive anymore, but just that Wednesday as i looked back on my journey has a councillor, i believe it has all been worthwhile.
From those happy moments to the selfless service moments and to the crashing down moments, i've been through everything. I was involved in the first P6 invitation, led the 2nd P6 invitation on my own, ushered, recess duty, morning assembly duty, Sec1 Orientations in all my council years, Council Board planning and the last one - Council Room planning, which is still on going.
Through these council years, I honestly have learnt a lot, not only about myself or my team mates but also learn qualities that might be able to take me far in life. I admit, i'm a silent reader. I might not be like the powerful kind with strong influence but i know, i'm someone who reads through situations and decide on the next move.
It is through council where i can say, my true friends are formed. Friends that care for me, support and trust me. It is through council where i felt the sense of belonging in school. Mister Low once shared with me that in all ways, the school leaders and teachers love me for being the school fan, in other words the school ambassador. The friends i met in council not only molded me but thought me to look at things from a different perspective and to remain positive all the time. Sometimes, i can never imagine what my life would be revolving on, if not for council. Yes, i would be a student, but would I be as active as in CCA? Would I be able to have the chance to take leadership? Would i be able to have the chance to show my gratitude and appreciation to KuoChuan? Would i get the chance to get to know more friends and teachers better? Would I ever have the courage to step into the matter and say, 'Stop, we're going the wrong direction'. My answer would be, Nope.
In Primary School, I began to fear teachers and soon after, i was just protected in my own shell, running back to it every time i sense danger. But now, even though at times i still fear, i know that there are always people around me to comfort me.
Thankyou, 4th Student Council,
It has been a milestone, recorded in my life book.
A friend is one who stands by you in your hour of need but also shares many memorable occasions. A friend is one who asks for nothing and expects nothing in return other than friendship. A friend will accept whatever you have to give when in need and in return will give to you when you are in need. A friend is one who does not count the cost and does not expect you to count the cost be it a monetary gift or the gift of time which is one of the most precious things that can be given.
I happened to stumble upon this page on the definition of a friendship at the urban dictionary and felt that it is so appropriate for today's sharing. Today marked the best day of 2009 in my life, i hope in YingYng's too. We walked to trails, through water, we met many different living things along the way but at the end of the day we made it to land to where we were heading to, the Lower-Pierce Reservoir.
Let me start by sharing the experience before linking it to the friendship we share. I agree, its such a strange thing to do. To some extent, scary. But we insisted and did it together. Our initial plan was to go and catch a movie. I had school earlier that morning, so traveling might not be the best thing because it might be too time consuming, so we continued to stick to the plan of catching a show... Only to realise that we've been so outdated and most of the shows that we thought were showing in cinemas we already out! So we had to put the idea aside. We then headed for lunch before deciding what to do next. I wanted to bring YingYng somewhere special, where we could create more memories for each other and we both knew somehow that we need a breather, a break from the pile of work waiting for us to complete.
Thought of places before.. Monkeys came to my mind. How weird? No. I thought of Lower Pierce Reservoir. The place where you can just laze around and really just admire the surroundings. And the last time i probably made a trip there was really a long long time ago, 6/7 years? So i decided to head there, that's probably the 'nearest' to Bishan too. Before that, our first stop was to North Point to grab some chewy juniors before heading off. It was a surprise to YingYng. I didn't quite know the directions there though. Thought of coming back to Bishan before heading to Thompson then i realised that we should just hop on some 85_ and we'll get there. True enough, it was 855. Went through highways and it was really fast, before we realised, we were at the right stop.
We got down, crossed to Casurina area and followed the couple in front, I've only been there by car, i didn't know how to enter the reservoir walked down to some entrance we saw the couple enter, only to realise we can only get to the reservoir through that forested area. In the beginning it IS scary. You hear the crickety sound, you hear chirping sounds. There are creatures in there too. Happened to see Monitor Lizards and a few strange birds. Why do i say its scary? Because you're in there alone with YingYng with all these weird surroundings. You're walking on planks of wood, and there is no way out sign. No turning back.
We walked through all 3 trails. YingYng was the photographer. Halfway she asked, 'What if the wood planks break?' We'll be in the water! Other than that, what happens if our hand phones are out of signal and we are in the middle, in the woods. Lost. Thank God nothing that sort happened and i started to have fun. Looking at the living things around me. Soon enough, i started to realise, hey! I see the reservoir! It was really a sight, after walking through trees and plants and everything else! It was just lovely, really! And a few minutes, we were on land. We were at the reservoir, it was just an amazing sight. Lovely sight and I'm glad we went there.
You might not be able to picture this in your minds, but if you had walked in with us, you'll realise how memorable this experience is. Something I'm sure I'll remember for the rest of my life. The scary feeling to the hey look at the monitor lizard its on our pathway! to the we've reached feeling. Just everything was so great that you have to be there to feel how we felt. It was such a lovely time spent with the person most special to me.
We walked all the way back from Lower Pierce Reservoir to Thompson Plaza to catch bus 52 back to Bishan and it was BubbleTea time. We actually walked a really really long distance to that bus stop. The distance of 4 bus stops away from one another, so try imagining.
In a friendship, you won't always get an easy path. The journey might not always be a smooth sailing one. There would be obstacles before you reach your 'destination', but its through them where you would learn more about yourself and the person I'm with in the journey.. YingYng. I would never trust someone to bring me through that trails, alive. But in the end, i did. I enjoyed myself. Sometimes the friendship might be shaky, because you enter a new phrase but putting the differences aside, we also managed to make it through. We met with obstacles like the creepy sounds, but we overcame them. And that's what's most important in the friendship. All in all, We still love and accept one another despite our differences. (not that many though.) I know i don't have to act to be another person to make sure she accepts me, i can be myself.
No one and nothing is and would separate this friendship. Through this experience I also realised how special YingYng is to me, how i can say 'YingYng, what happens if we get lost?' and laugh it off together. Or say anything we feel without feeling restricted compared to speaking to others and your whole world might know it tomorrow. How i know I'm simply accepted, i don't have to say or do anything to feel the acceptance. Its just such an amazing and special friendship.
YingYng,
Thank you for the times we spent together. From the first lunch @ Macs in Secondary 2, to the ice-cream buffet in Secondary 3 and this year i know it would be this day we had at Lower Pierce Reservoir. The memorable days we always share. I want you to know, that even if i don't say a word after days or just hi&byes you are still the special friend. And no one would ever replace you or replace the times we shared together. No one else would ever take your place or become a better friend because you are the best and I can't ask for anyone better than best. Let's keep this friendship as strong as ever so that it would be even harder for people to try to separate us. Thank you for every moment spent with you, i really enjoy them and appreciate the time spent together. You'll always be YingYng, my Bestie. You're loved, always.
With lots of love,
Tashka.
Today marked one of the best days in 2009, even though it was a Monday. I went to school feeling very tired and weary thinking about the coming week and wondering why the tiredness has been draining me, am i suffering from insomnia? Questions like such started to flow through my mind. I felt like a dead zombie just walking through life's routines to please myself and the people around me.
I shoved all thoughts aside, and as school started, i started to focus on doing what's right - paying attention in class and trying to follow through lessons. So as to start the week, 'right'. I must say i managed to at least for the first half of the day. Just as recess fell on me, the sudden tiredness also managed to get through me. I felt that my eyes were just shutting through conversations. Comments saying i'm beginning to develop purple, puffy eye bags were brought to my attention. Nothing much i could do about it anyways, just carried on with classes after. Accounts was draining! But, i managed to catch what was happening through the lesson. Maths followed after, dazed out couldn't make the cut.
Lunch break. SRP. Got pissed off from the start because we got ticked off for not being on time when Common! Half the class just skipped the whole lesson, at least we BOTHERED to come but still we supposedly are going to be sent to the DMs. It didn't matter to me anymore, i didn't care. I guess i've become too numb and imune to the threathens coming my way that i can't be bothered with it anymore. After the extra long Tamil, i went over looking for Mdm Choo discussing about the Class Tee.
And this is where i would say best. I was invited over to her place. How often does a teacher allow any student to come to her place? I accepted her invite and i was off to say hello to her adorable cutie-pies! At first, i felt a little out of place, because she was angry over an issue with her daughter which brought the 2 older ones in. So i only had Eleanor to play with. Soon after when everything cooled down, i got my hands of Fabian! These two, my favourite. I could even realise that Eleanor had become very comfortable with me. I was really brightened up. Chermaine and I began to talk and Denise followed along, they're really flexible children! I really enjoyed the time spent with them. Every single one of them. Eleanor and Fabian were making me smile, so so much. It was such a brightener and joy to see them so carefree and joyful. Had nice conversations with Cherm & Denise at the same time, and reliving the old times where I would watch such cartoons on TV! It was really a great momment, happy and joyful.
I truly did enjoy myself, didn't manage to grab photos though, too busy playing and being entertained by Eleanor and Fabian. All the children are wonderful ones. They brightened me up, so much. Thanks for this rare opportunity. I'm smiling, because i feel so blessed playing and talking to Chare (sp?) (13), Denise(9), Eleanor(3) & Fabian(7months). Children bring my such happiness and joy. I'm blessed. So blessed.
I shall end off here. If i have more time, i'll share about my Agapeland experience with the children there, just like this post where i shared about my experience with an amazing group of children.
I love my form teacher, really.
She's more than a teacher to me, a mixture of a mum to me.
I'm so blessed.
She treats me like her child,
she shows me she cares for me,
she understands me,
she is always taking care of me.
I can never ask for someone better.
What if i said, sometimes even better than my own parents?
Yeah, maybe i feel this way now because i'm not in the best of moods.
Who would be?
When your parents say something about you not doing this/that the other.
What am i to do?
I really am trying my best.
No one seems to see it.
Its frustrating when you had a bad day at school and you come home and nothing's any better.
I don't look forward to anything, nothing at all.
Test's coming in,
homework's slowly piling yet decreasing, irony.
i thankGod for MdmChoo, really.
she means alot to me from the support to the encouragements.
For always making sure i'm well too.
I was controlling tears from flowing when you said, 'can i give you a hug?'
I truly didn't want to let go. It made me feel so secure.
Twice & Counting
Today marked the best Valentine's in years!
And i am indeed happy,
thankyou to everyone who made me feel special(:
The thing that has made my day(s) for actually, the gift of love.
To know that the person beside you knows you well enough to say they love and care for me just brightens the day.
Another was the gifts, wishes and cards.
Honestly, it was the last thing on my mind to receive something from Vivien cause i always felt that she was a pest and taking my friends away.
Turns out to realise, she does care about me.
Shalin gave a really nice note & a bag of sugary stuff,
Nice of her and way too tempting for me.
Mrs Lim also made my day even better because she gave me a sunflower,
brings back so many memories of the childhood days when i tried many a times of planting sunflowers but failed terribly.
Now, i can't even be bothered to try.
And i received many really nice notes.
Isabel's message @ 12 made me feel so happy,
It was about how special i was to her & Agapeland and how much she loves me. I honestly never expected to have impacted someone so much. And i'm really grateful and yes, i'm staying on in Agapeland.
Valerie appeared at my doorstep at 3.30AM. That crazy girl!
And i had school, today but she didn't let me go to bed though.
really enjoyed the company even though i was tired.
Recalled past memories together and reflected about how special we are to each other.
She really is so dear to me,
Clarissa too.
I shall end of, with a picture of the 3 of us,
its amazing to know who close we've become,
sisters, forever.
Clarissa, Me, Valerie
You both are the reason why i'm still believing, in love.
Thanks for showering me with so so so much love.
It speaks volumes!
