Deceiving

School's been a lot better!

Looking on the bright side,
I don't have any overdue assignments,
MrsTay's been nicer as time passes. (I don't feel as scared talking to her)
Tamil's also been better i must say,
i passed another 2 sections.
Mr Kalai's also a little better,
he did say something nice to me.

And now the not so pleasant things that happened this week.
I'm losing focus in Biology, :(
Lessons are so lifeless now, not that MissTay's bad or anything,
just that i miss MrChan's happy lessons.
And probably having the first period of the day/week makes a difference.

I'm getting worried about maths,
i somehow seem to know how to do the question when my maths teacher is around but when he isn't i'm lost, which worries me.
I'm having a test this coming week!

Miss Amy's leaving.
:(
Argh.
I wonder how would i be when i see her on her last day at school.
Yesterday i was with Shalini and she brought up the issue and suddenly tears started flowing.
She was the last person in my mind who i expected to leave.
I don't want to say farewell.
:(

Mrs Grace Chua is also leaving,
i feel sad but i guess its not as bad as MissAmy's departure?
Because i'm not that close to her.
Why are all the really nice people leaving, and the heartless ones coming back?
:/

Lastly,
I miss MissFoo, Valerie & Clarissa too.
At least i know i'll see the both of them tomorrow, but i guess not MissFoo.
Yeah i see her everyday, but there's nothing i can tell her.
Sometimes i just feel like running straight right up to her with open arms and i tight hug
because i really miss her.
And everything about her.

Those were the days. The carefree and hopeful days.
What do you do, when hope is lost?

Surrender it all to Him.

Its bedtime, :)

Out Of This World

I love my form teacher, really.
She's more than a teacher to me, a mixture of a mum to me.
I'm so blessed.

She treats me like her child,
she shows me she cares for me,
she understands me,
she is always taking care of me.

I can never ask for someone better.
What if i said, sometimes even better than my own parents?
Yeah, maybe i feel this way now because i'm not in the best of moods.
Who would be?
When your parents say something about you not doing this/that the other.
What am i to do?

I really am trying my best.
No one seems to see it.
Its frustrating when you had a bad day at school and you come home and nothing's any better.
I don't look forward to anything, nothing at all.

Test's coming in,
homework's slowly piling yet decreasing, irony.

i thankGod for MdmChoo, really.
she means alot to me from the support to the encouragements.
For always making sure i'm well too.
I was controlling tears from flowing when you said, 'can i give you a hug?'
I truly didn't want to let go. It made me feel so secure.

Twice & Counting

Words.

Your words can make or break my heart.

Wedding

I just got home from a wedding,
the scene was full of love

to the bride&bridegroom's parents
&
to God.

It was kind of a reunion for my parents
there were a couple of take home messages.

One very important one was this, (i hope i remember 90% at least of it):
'Even when you're in the highest mountain or lowest valley, remember that God's still the center of your life and never let the circumstances around you change the fact.'

I wonder what my wedding would be like.
I wonder who is the person that i would spend 3/4s of my life with.

Technology

Many times,
i feel like blogging about how i really feel about certain things.....
But i cant.



I feel like typing it all out,
but comments will always be given.
Good and bad comments.
But what if i dont need any comments?
I dont want any comments,
i just want to speak my heart out.

I wouldnt want to blog anything upsetting here,
because whenever im upset for a moment,



I have deal with it, and problem solved.
I am better a message person,
a email person,
a blogging person,
a letter writing person,
a messenger person.
But i AM NOT a talking person.

I cant see you face to face and tell you how i really feel about you.

I cant look at you and tell you how i am feeling without crying.

Through technology now,
no one can see my tears.


I just need to say.

I really miss you.
You misunderstood me.

BRB?

I've decided to stay away from the computer because it has become such a distraction
and i dont want to regret later.

Wait, i'm already kind of regretting now.

So, i shall continue to stay away from here.

Anyways, i finally know why i've been so moody
& Dharishini even saw me cry more than once the past week.

I'll still hold on,
and keep wishing.

You wont believe me saying,
i dont mind being back in 2008, just for our friendship.

You don't seem to care about me anymore,
don't reply my messages either,
sometimes i want to go up to you and say, i miss you.
but i'm afraid that you'll tease me or even me crying.

I just want to run away, far away.
Daddy, Bali again?
:/
When Daddy asked me about you just now,
i was left with watery eyes and a shaken voice,
you left a great impact in me, i just can't let you go.

I shall end of with this;
'Daddy & Amma, I love you'
(:

Sometimes family makes up for lost relationships eh!
And teens that say, 'i hate my parents and blahblahblah no freedom and driftingness' is just, pure rubbish.
& i dont understand why teens now just hug their friends but not their parents anymore.

Cos i'm a teen and the relationship between my parents&i are drawing even closer, and i hug&kiss my parents at least once a day and i hold their hands when we're out together.

Reflect.

Happy Valentine's!

Today marked the best Valentine's in years!

And i am indeed happy,
thankyou to everyone who made me feel special(:

The thing that has made my day(s) for actually, the gift of love.
To know that the person beside you knows you well enough to say they love and care for me just brightens the day.

Another was the gifts, wishes and cards.
Honestly, it was the last thing on my mind to receive something from Vivien cause i always felt that she was a pest and taking my friends away.
Turns out to realise, she does care about me.

Shalin gave a really nice note & a bag of sugary stuff,
Nice of her and way too tempting for me.

Mrs Lim also made my day even better because she gave me a sunflower,
brings back so many memories of the childhood days when i tried many a times of planting sunflowers but failed terribly.
Now, i can't even be bothered to try.

And i received many really nice notes.
Isabel's message @ 12 made me feel so happy,
It was about how special i was to her & Agapeland and how much she loves me. I honestly never expected to have impacted someone so much. And i'm really grateful and yes, i'm staying on in Agapeland.

Valerie appeared at my doorstep at 3.30AM. That crazy girl!
And i had school, today but she didn't let me go to bed though.
really enjoyed the company even though i was tired.
Recalled past memories together and reflected about how special we are to each other.

She really is so dear to me,
Clarissa too.



I shall end of, with a picture of the 3 of us,
its amazing to know who close we've become,
sisters, forever.

Clarissa, Me, Valerie
You both are the reason why i'm still believing, in love.
Thanks for showering me with so so so much love.
It speaks volumes!

Love

(editted @ 4.25 AM) Scroll down.


I can't sleep even though i really want to now.

I've been tossing and turning for the pass hours that i woke up because i don't know why i'm perspiring in an aircondition-ed room.

Called Daddy by accident @ 1.05am and he called me back
asking what was wrong and
telling me not to wake up @ 3am to complete homework.

I'm stressed and I know it,
and I'm crying very easily these days.

I'll be in school tomorrow, forcing myself to be.
I'm so lost in maths & accounts.

I can't imagine another day without school.

The pain's still here.
Maybe that's the reason for tossing and turning.

Its 2am now, if i choose to sleep,
I've got 3 hours to do so.

--
In Close to 1/2 an hours, its going to be 5.
I've struggled through this terrible night,
I wish i can fall asleep like how i always used to.
:(

I'm going to struggle through school with a sleepless night i guess.

Let It Rain

Diediediedie.

Its 5:39 pm and i've not completed a single thing.
And i threw out Lunch too.

Ahh.
I want to be in school tomorrow too,
wonder if its possible now.

My temperature's 38.1 , that's a good thing
but what happens if i throw up?
:/

PrayPrayPray.

If i'm going to feel like how i felt at Noon,
maybe another day at home would be better.

I'm praying, for God's best.

Heaven to Earth;

I'm going to spend some time updating today,
even though i must complete the work load by today. (sighs).

18 assignments, majority history. And i've 12 due today, but i'm not in school so i hope i won't get any zeros. :( Kash's been a good brother. Be surprised i'm saying this because he isn't always a gem but yes yesterday he was. First, he told me i should just rest at home and stop struggling in school. (He knew i've been) Then he took all my forms and money and some really overdue assignments and said he'll hand them in today, for me. (Personally to the teachers.) And then through the night, he came to check on me, even though he could have just sent Mary up or something he knew i didn't like having her in the room so he came over. Which meant he woke up 5 times through the night.

I bet he didn't have a good sleep 'cause I too was coughing through the night, which would wake him up and he made me take the temperature twice. At 4plus, the fever started, I wasn't surprised. And then he went to get the towel and placed it on my forehead, and made sure i slept again. When i woke up, i guess he already was in school, so i didn't have the chance to thank him. Anyways, if you're wondering whats wrong with me, my MC states that i'm suffering from bronchitis. And fevers are common. I'm just praying hard that i am normal and healthy by Friday if not i've to do some scan which i'm afraid of. And i reallly hope to be in school tomorrow.

People would probably go, lucky girl can stay at home and sleep longer and stuff but no way. What's on my mind now is, The pile of work when i get back to school and Agapeland. I've to make the decision soon too. One thing's for sure is i DON'T want to teach the kindy(s) because they're spoilt. But on Sunday when i prayed and asked God before i stepped in to give me a confirmation about the Pre-Primary, during class Aaron said something i'll remember, always. I brought him to wash up, alone. And he asked me, 'Jiejie, what happened to you?' I replied by saying i wasn't feeling well and he sat on my thighs and said, 'Like what you always tell me that Jesus would take care of me, He would also take care of you'. And there, i felt it was a confirmation from God. I shouldn't give up because the fruits would come soon.

That's why Aaron's my favourite. :)

Did i mention that i've been doing my devotion too and i learnt how much i should 'grab' the Lord because he's my 'rubbish cleaner'. That devotion was really an eye opener to me and i never realised how important he was to me, till yesterday. During QT, it started out like how it always does and then i became desperate like never before because i knew if He doesn't show Himself this time, i would just give up.

I'm feeling so restricted. I'm on special diet because the only food i can eat is bread, (not even rice) and the only drink's WARM WATER. (Not even mineral water) and I've been in pain and when breathlessness came again all i do is just turn into a prawn. And none of the medicine this time are painkillers, they're ones make me cough even more that i threw up twice even. BUT DESPITE ALL THIS, I MANAGED TO SLEEP. And that was God! I thought i'll probably cry because my chest was hurting badly, i hardly cuddle up like prawns do.

Now, i'm going to take the step of faith and complete all my homework.
I know, He would bring me through today and i would survive the pain and get better too.

& i hope Valerie wouldn't smack me when she finds out that I've lost 3kg. Uhoh.

This would end, soon.

I Give You My Heart;

I'm tired.
Tired of the routine.
Tied of trying to please everyone.
Tired of trying to stay on track but lagging behind, so so behind.
Tired of just putting expectations on myself, hoping to achieve them.

Tired of completing homework after homework, mostly overdue.
Tired of thoughts of wanting to do revision but never able to do them.

I'm Tired, Of Life.

School's just school. It's just an aimless drag. Days just go by, and the pile of work never seems to end. Sometimes i wonder whether i'll ever get the chance to stay on track knowing the topics in school yet having NO uncompleted work to do. I guess that's just a dream. And all i've been doing is honestly, sleeping. From time to time esp in Week 5/Week6 i've been trying to fight the drowsiness so that i wont make the pile rise, i guess I'm wrong. I also lose and end up going to bed, either for a few hours or just a little earlier. And it doesn't make me feel better when i get up.

I feel like i've wasted my time and darkness is here. I'm just lost. Unsure of what to do next. And no, i dont feel any better. I just don't want people to worry. But those around me would truly know, how I've been. Cold, Weak, Breathless (at times.) Esp with this cough, it makes me breathless and hurts my throat badly. Losing of breath isn't nice. Its actually scary. I've coughed so much, i feel like throwing up everything that's in me even more when i get breathless.

When would this end?

Surrender.

I'm giving You my heart
All that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life

And I Surrender
All to You, all to You

I'm singing You this song
I'm waiting at the Cross
All the world holds dear
I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You
For the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy
Even sharing in Your pain

No one can imagine how comforting this words are to me. I feel bad because i've neglected God, again. Today's message was about Faith and i realised how i lost all my Faith in Him because the circumstances hold my faith and to me sometimes it seems like, 'Hey, God's not answering me again, i give up.' I don't read the Bible, i don't want to do devotion and I realised how rotten i've become, because all i result to is misery and cry.

This weekend, i realised so much, SOSO much that sometimes i wonder how much my God loves me. You might think, yikkes of all times to be hit by the flubug, now? That was my first impression, I just didn't want to miss school. But being forced to i realised, it was because of the day that i wasn't in school where I managed to clear my thoughts, get things sorted out and try my best to recover asap.

Now, isn't God just awesome?

I'm giving You my heart
All that is within
I lay it all down
For the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life

And I Surrender
All to You, all to You

New Beginning

So i guess blogger just is, 'home'. Managed to get both blogs done, meaning i'm leaving wordpress's as a memory and i'm beginning here, all over again. I'm not going to give everyone this address, i'm not going to force people to relink me. This is where i write, for myself and the people close to me to see.

Thank God for protected posts and 'cuts' here too.
New skin, New posts, New almost everything!
Hello to a new beginning! :)