#73 Sunshine's Day Out

It was a day out with Angela & BeiWei. When they first questioned me to join them yesterday, I was a little hesitant. We are only hi-bye schoolmates and also Facebook chatmates. That's about all. BeiWei & Angela are Besties and to me, I was afraid I'll feel out of place since I have never met them before. But no, I was totally wrong. We walked with MsAmy to J8 and sent her off. Since someone was sticking to me like super glue, I got fed up and sent WD off too, in the taxi behind MsAmy. After contemplating for a long time and looking at the crowd that was present everywhere, I said "Donut Factory", and the next thing, we thought of the brain-est idea of buying donuts for Sunshine since she skipped her lunch for the sake of KCP-ians!

Headed to ion with them, caught the donuts, talked and talked and talked. Reached her office, her face was CLASSIC! Went into the garden (I wanted to stalk the squirrels but the lizards scared me even more), took photos, played around and made her smile with more sugar. Oh yeah. Made her colleagues jealous too! Oh well, a great day indeed.

Headed to ion after, walked even more. Yami Yogurt for lunch. Headed to Burger King after 'cause our legs were killing. They had lunch and our conversations never ended! Cam whoring to end the day out.

No regrets, totally.
(L) Sunshine, Angela, BeiWei & Zoey.

#72 Pear Tarts & Strawberries

I'm tired. I've not slept a wink ever since 30th August. Sunday was pure madness with all the commitments I had to fulfill and that includes, Math. Spent morning in church and breakfast just with Daddy only. :) That probably caused me my tears when he said, " I came back here, for you. " There were so many things we were talking about. And suddenly something struck me hard, this may be the last. Also, it was a rather "affirming" breakfast 'cause daddy kept telling me that he's happy with whatever my result is and about how mean the education system is to people like me. I was pretty encouraged after breakfast with daddy. But there was one thing I felt I couldn't tell him. I wanted to, just that I didn't know how.

My parents always say to them my results doesn't matter even if its an egg or if its a three digit number (100) because they say they know I study and I do my best and that is all at what matters. They don't want me stressed up to perform. But to me, I want to do well. Sometimes I wonder why I put in so much effort, but when I see my results I feel I (ME) let down my parents. Even though to them, that isn't true. But, I want to make them proud, yet I always fail. & sometimes people would go "can lah, if i could, why can't you"? This line is SUPER common from my cousins/aunts. But honestly, this sentence sometimes upsets me. 'Cause I'm trying, they don't see the amount of effort that I put in, yet such words simply slip from their mouths. But, I've learnt. Though it hurts ti hear it, I choose to ignore it. Honestly, it hasn't been easy. Sleepless nights due to the greatest struggle now - Math. I cry just looking at how I'm going to survive it in 50 days. Sometimes I want to blame that teacher, who left us stranded causing us to be like this. But, I shall just blame myself. I need to clear this as my next hurdle.

After Breakfast, I came home, did math, made a trip to Junction8 with daddy again. Baked after. To have YOUR BROTHER teach you HOW to bake is bad, REAL BAD. Simply shocking to know your brother can handle the kitchen yet you're the totally opposite! He thought me how to bake, I gave up after 4 packs were done 'cause I really don't know so many things! But brother loved me, baked the rest for me. Amazing? :)

And after, the room blacked out! It was already 11pm. And I didn't start collating what I was supposed to get done. File formats were wrong and I had to re-do the whole thing! FB entries kept coming in till 330 so I complied everything together only at 4am! After that was done, I had to standby it and prepare that black board, that was to be given to the teachers! Phew, everything was ready at 620. So i began to print only to realise the printer didn't want to work! I was super upset. I prayed, took my shower and retried 4 times. After amending some, it WORKED! Everything was done by 820am and Dharishini came over! She helped to stick the hearts & the black board together and we were off to school!

Teachers' Day Celebration was cool, with the Teachers' Skit. (The last I'll see.) & the councillors skit too! It really brightened up the day to see the people you most detest actually be the most courageous at events at such. Brought the whole school united together. Ended the whole performance with a class photo.

#71 Don't You

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but do not quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow—
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out—
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Tash. Don't you quit. You've come this far, why stop now? You've proved to everyone you did it for Tamil, why quit? Saying words of encouragement to myself isn't easy. I'm really tired. Before I rest, I hope to see that smile, your smile.

#70 -

Its never easy,
but no one would ever understand what its like,
till they walk around in your skin.


My plate's full,
but no one thought of helping.
I know I'm a tiny fry but all i want is
for you to show appreciation to her.

Just, that.

@2228pm

Do friends have a motive each and every time they talk to you? Don’t go running to someone only when you need them. Enough of the backstabbing, enough of being such a hypocrite. Start realising and looking at the people around you. How have you treated them and how many times have you betrayed their trust. I’ve had enough of all the bitching and gossip and whatsoever. Aren’t you tired of talking behind people’s back? The people who are closest around you?

#69 Mother Tongue

The results would be out, 19th August - 9am. But here's it. For all the times I've been wanting to know the results and everything, now come to think of it - I don't want it coming. How i wish it would be like - if the results are good, give it to me if not, you can keep it. " But, unfortunately - its not like that.

Sometimes I want it back because I know I have done my best. But, what if my best if an f9 or a fail? Would I still be thankful? Would I still be able to tell people my results?

Jesus, take control.
Let all my nightmares not come true and assure me that I've done my best and that is my best.

People, pray for me. That's all i'm asking for if its not of a trouble.
Things at home are still shaky, but thankfully daddy's home now.
Its just the communicating with one another and the silences sometimes.
My head's spinning, with just too many thoughts in it.

Jesus, be beside me.

#68 Agapeland

It was interesting. I had to pass something to Serene so I HAD to make my way up to Agapeland. I was pretty, "oh man." I began thinking.. What would my reaction be like when I see them? Do they still remember me, would they bother to say hi?" Thoughts as such. I wasn't looking forward to visiting them, I was assuming the worst.

BUT.

When I went in, I was greeted at the door my Aaron! He kept silent for awhile, so I just ignored him and went on doing my task - passing the book to Serene. Guess what! He came running, hugging my legs! I was shocked. I bent down looked him in the eye and said, "Hello Aaron!" He stared at me, came closer and said his million dollar statement, "Hello, Jiejie Tashka." It wasn't just a hello, it was with my name. and next thing he ran into my arms. Before I knew it, the 2 other boys came jumping on my back! Nathan was so silent when i said, "Has Nathan been a good boy?" And after a minute Luke said, "We miss you, Jiejie Tashka."

It was really nice, every single one of them remembered me and came to say hi and hugged me, :) Aaron didn't allow me to leave though. But i guess I escaped, telling him I'll play with little dinosaur on Friday okay?

Agapeland. Oh Agapeland. Despite missing it, they simply made my day.

#67 MOE's Family Fun Day

That was how I spent my Saturday;
Sea, Sun, Fun!
I walked 8.5km with Momzee, talking talking and more talking.
Met many familiar teachers, smiled.
Abandoned after awhile
'cause Mom joined Dad while I avoided them. I don't like being "interviewed" so I rather keep away.
Stroked MsFoo's tammy. She's such an obedient darling! No barking, no sniffing or licking, nothing.
Till I forgot that I actually am scared of dogs, but despite her huge size she's so so so obedient. Follows MsFoo's instructions too!
Walked Tammy back to the car, Awwwwwww.

After awhile of hanging around, Kash brought me to MrsTeo, wanting to show me how cute Cayden was.
He's another darling! Once he saw us he came to say "Hello Korkor & Jiejie",
MrLee went to trick him and he went pointing at MrLee, "horhorhorhor"
super adorable!
Played "ballball" with him and then MrsTeo said she wanted to have a glimpse of the Family Day performance since Cayden was drumming and dancing & shakking around to the beat!
I carried him while watching the performance and he felt so comfortable!
He started pointing to all the balloons and going, "fly away... no more" then look at me and horhor.
He was too focused he didn't want to look at mama already, heh.
& then he began dancing and shakking around on me,
sweetie pieeeee :)
He's super brainy for a 17month old! He can tell you, goodbye and colours and his name and pretty much a lot for a 17month old!
Before he left he said, "Good bye, Jiejie"
He's really a very sociable & adorable little boy, (:
HAHHAH! But at the same time you hear MrsTeo teaching him alot!
Since MrsTeo was the last farmiliar face to leave, I was pretty bored after that.

I never joined the VIP table till they left,
trust me I don't think its nice! :)
That probably concludes the tiring day

#66 Stay Strong

STAY STRONG.

Thankfully, as I type this down. Things at home has very much settled down. Daddy's still away but the time from his departure helped to cool off steam that was still trying to evaporate. I hope this is in its "conclusion" state and does not become a dormant volcano and erupt ever again. It has been trying, till the point where I'm so tired I just break down.

I'll be back soon. Hopefully I'll be back to normal.
Recovery road's tough. But I'll stay strong.
Thanks to all those who have been playing a part in it - Ms Foo, Dharishini & JiaWei. I won't be able to tell what I'll be today if not for you.
Here's a video that Ben made me watch. As i watched it, I was awed at how God works. Stay strong, that's all in my head now.



You're in the moment now
A bitter root
A wandering eye and then
The ties that bind start wearing thin, thin

You're in the moment now
When all you've been blessed with
Is not enough
Here's where the ground gets loose
Here's where the devils call your bluff

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
You've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

We've seen the tragic flaws
The tortured souls
The saints with feet of clay
Here's where sin becomes cliche'

We've come through wilderness and watched
The cloud by day
The burning sky into dawn
Have you forgotten who you are?
Did you forget whose trip you're on?

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
We've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

Get up, there's further to go
Get up, there's more to be done
Get up, this witness is sure
Get up, this race can be won
This race can be won

We've gotta stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
Our Father's dawn will light our day, our day
Come on and stay strong
His grip is sure
And His patience still endures
There'll be no letting go today, no way

Come on, and stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way



I'm in His Hands, Its Him who's in control of my World, my Everything.

#65 Mighty To Save

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

My Saviour, you can move the mountains,
You are mighty to save,
You are mighty to save.
Forever, Author of Salvation,
You rose and conquered the grave,
Yes you conquered the grave

--

You're mighty to save. Your amazing love would carry me through this circumstance. Daddy, I miss you.
Please be home soon.
Tomorrow's results day.
Whatever the result, I'll choose to give thanks.




Fill my life again.

#62 Breathe

Yes, Breathe. There's just SO SO many things on my mind that I'm clueless on how to start. Or the basic, moving on. To be honest, these days that I've been going through ever since the 4th of August has been the darkest. I don't see a glimpse of light anymore, sadly. I've been through so much till it has changed me. Changed me so much that I've lost my hope. Every time things seemed to have brighten up, after a few hours, history repeats itself. Every time I see or read or hear something alone that line of news something in my heart loosens, trembling me that I've encountered something this close.

I'm sorry for being such a pain to those around me. To those who know and have been praying & counseling me, thank you. Even though I've not been transparent in sharing the happenings - I only did to one person. Please, forgive me. This isn't an easy time for me, and I really hope you'll understand.

I'll be back. When things have cooled down, when I've moved on & when I feel its past and have no clinging on, I'll pen how uncomfortable this situation has been. First things first, I'll learn how to Breathe.

Sometimes, we say breathe. But it just takes so much out of you. Like your entire lung got compressed to it's maximum, and it hurts so badly. You just need to let go, let go. But if you do, you'd explode.

Then what are we to do?

Tash, breathe. Keep the faith.

#61 Faithful One

Faithful one, so unchanging
Ageless one, you're my rock of peace
Lord of all I depend on you
I call out to you, again and again
I call out to you, again and again

You are my rock in times of trouble
You lift me up when I fall down
All through the storm
Your love is, the anchor
My hope is in You alone.